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The art world is a complex world.
That statement in itself is a bit off-the-wall. A little too vague and a little too loaded. Maybe it’s like filling out your race/ethnicity status on a survey or report. It could go really far, and yet it’s a couple words that fits just (un)right.
I have been feeling crazy lately. Some of it is girlfriend-in-another-country disorder. Some of it is the typical artist – angst: Is my work aesthetically interesting? Culturally relevant? Personal and engaging to an audience? Worth much at all? Frame-able? Sellable? Some of it is stress related ( typical middle class stumblings ): we work too hard to do too much. I have a big plate right now, a super (duper) value meal. Four classes, teaching the kids, freelance work, traveling a bit ( trains and planes ), and well, the rest of my melancholy nature. (At least it’s not natural ( but sometimes I think it’s totally man-made.))
I have this list. Sometimes it shows up on these label-covered cardboard pieces I use as a PDA. Sometimes it lingers in my head right when I get up a bit too early in the morning. It’s always pretty long, and pretty much always unfinished. Sounds like a pretty bad graduate school experience.
[Sorry, this is becoming very melancholy and almost like barfing everything up. I've always kind of wanted to avoid that for this blog. Oh well, here we go.]
Graduate school has been on my mind. I think graduate school in itself can and will be a beast. I still have to sort out whether or not I feel cut out for it, then a program has to do that for me (size me up), and then I will have to deal with all the work of it. But, you see, graduate school is a good thing, but just a blip on the whole path of what I’m trying to do. Thinking about the prospects of all of that makes me think more about bigger things, like vocation, hopes, and creative growth.
The point, I feel, at the end of the day, is Creative Growth. ( By the way, I used to volunteer there.) Bottom line, that is one of the core values that has really blossomed in the past, present, and hopefully in the future. My creative growth, and also being in the process of participating in the creative growth of others. I think everything I have been doing ( and trying to do ) has pointed to that. For that, I am really grateful. I hope too, that I continue to remind myself that this is the point. The more I do life “this way”, the larger the core grows, and feels right.
Creative gratitude would be a good way to see things. I think this kind of attitude would be a really good way to unpack my feelings of art-making ( the ups and down of it ), and to find pieces of growth, hope, and promise, that I can really be thankful. One of my goals ( add it to the list ) is to create a map of my own artistic growth, and to also factor in questions, moments, and growth-points into all of it. I know I will find a lot to be grateful for.
I had a really good conversation with my Screen Printing professor. He shared his story, and I was surprised about how detailed he was about his own struggles and successes. I’m hoping to continue talking to him about all of these complex things. I’m grateful for the small moments when I’m able to connect with people, and the interactions help me grow.
