Pain that Painful

Today, I got a professional massage.  Professional equals painful.  My frisbee friend Doug is a MT, and he basically taught me a new definition of pain.  

I don’t have any witty metaphors to describe it.  However, in the end, it felt great.  I told him several times, I’ve never felt pain like this before.  I really recommend him.  

When he was jamming his thumbs into my neck and back ( and I was wincing ), I marveled at the idea of pain receptors, pressure points, and soreness.  I was really amazed at how powerful touch can be, especially at certain parts of the body.  I swear, there were several times when I was instinctively fighting him ( and therefore tense and unrelaxed) because it was so painful.  

The weird thing is, I like the pain.  I like it because it’s working out all of the crazy knots in my shoulders and arms.  I definitely have overworked hands, arms, and shoulders from all of the art related stuff that I do.  I like the pain because after it’s over with, it feels really good.  It’s weird how it takes someone to beat me up for me to relax.  

Anyway, this entry’s going down the tubes because I need to sleep.  Good night.

No Promises, Less Pressure

I’m trying to write more.  So chime in if ya feel me on some of my thoughts.

I usually write in in response to some sort of revelation during the day, or something that I’ve been mulling about for a long time.  I think that puts a lot of pressure on me to write something really interesting and I end up just letting this thing rot.  So, I’m gonna try to write, a bit less edited and composed and little bit more open and unprocessed.  No promises, less pressure.  

Sounds like a great campaign slogan.

I think I’ve talked about this before, but I’ve been in a pretty but rut.  It started in summer, and it’s kind of followed me through Fall, and hopefully I can battle the Rut and the Darkness of Winter all at once.  The Rut started when I stopped taking classes.  I think I was so burned out after a year of taking art classes, that I just didn’t want to do anything over summer.  So that’s kind of what I did.  I had big plans but not much production.  I can’t even remember what I really did then.  I should have taken the one painting class that I meant to take, but I didn’t.

So I didn’t do much, and I think that really made me lazy.  I was trying to recharge, but I don’t think that was the best approach.  As an artist, I need to keep working, doing stuff all the time, because it’s through process that I grow.  

I was eager for fall to start, and I put it in to take 4 classes.  I guess I just really wanted to make it really happen.  I’ve lasted about 2/3 of the semester at this breakneck speed, but a couple weeks ago, I just shut down.  I can detail out my schedule and the work that I’ve had to do ( including work, church stuff, and my own stuff), but it’s been kind of crazy.  Let’s just say my engine broke down, and that was another lesson for me to remember:  ambition is important but so is pacing and perspective.  I’ve stopped going to one class ( figure drawing ), and that’s been helpful.  No more 9am to 9pm wednesdays.

The Rut’s all about good ideas.  When I have great ideas, and I can execute them and work through a creative process, it’s really great.  When I don’t have any ideas, the Rut wins.  A couple weeks ago, I just felt like I couldn’t come up with anything really that interesting or satisfying to work on.  I’ve been trying really hard to steer away from work that looks like class assignments, or that doesn’t have that much depth.  It’s hard because I’ve got a bunch of scattered pieces that show growth in skill, but what I really want is a body of work, and comprehensive way of saying:  I am artist, this is what I do, this is what I’m trying to say, I am relevant.

And, I think that’s basically what I’m trying to do.  I’m working on these drawings of trash that I find, and I’m also working hard on these screenprinted drawings that document, record and re-appropriate places that I frequent in Oakland.  I’m also working on these vases that are thrown, then attached.  The end up looking very organic, with lots of barnacle like forms on them.

And last but not least, I think my friend Chris speaks well about his feelings from the election.  My feelings are similar, but I’m the person (of color) who’s not white or black that finds a lot of hope in the next days.  More on that soon.

And to close out, one of my young students ( on tuesday ) said:  ”We also voted in class today, and I voted for Barack Obama.”

Black President

I never thought it would happen.  My heart blew up when I saw black people on stage at the end of Barack Obama’s speech.  I thought I’d never see a black president.  I’m totally happy and hopeful.

Pic of the Day

Well, today is turning out even better than I would have thought.  An editor from Diablo magazine caught my picture on Flickr from this morning and asked if she could publish my picture on Diablo.com.  Check it out!

Election Day

election day, originally uploaded by hensever.

 

I voted.

The line wasn’t long at all, and other than some minor discrepancy about my address and registration, I was given a ballot, and it went into the vote monster.

I’d have to say that this is the first time that I’ve really been this engaged in an election.

I’m hopeful.

Sliders

I’ve been working pretty hard lately.  

There’s commercial work ( graphic design and photography ) and then there’s my own artwork ( drawing, screenprinting, and sculpture/ceramics ).  I also have teaching ( eco – art ) mixed into there, which is another slice of the art pie.  I enjoy it all, for the most part, and that’s what keeps me going.  I have been really struggling as of late, to come up with good ideas, and to trust myself with the process of things.  Not to sound all spiritual, but I think there’s certain blocks in my life, with God and faith that are spilling over into my own process: trusting that my vocation will grow and there is a time and place for me in all of it.  Trust is a kind of hard word these days.

I’m trying to finish up the pictures I took for Melissa and Dan’s wedding, a little over a month ago.  I know her wedding coordinator’s totally mad at me because she wants to post those pictures into some article.  It’s hard, it takes me a while to get through all the pictures.  

So, far the process has been good. I’ve taken a lot of pictures, and I’m finding it really satisfying to be able to push the pictures to their potential, and then decide if I want to keep the or not.  I feel like I spend as much time editing as I do shooting.  It’s only moving sliders back and froth, but imagine moving sliders back and forth for 100 pictures, or 200 pictures, or in my case, 864 pictures.  You get the pictures, it’s a lot of work.

My friend asked me a good question the other day about digital post-processing.  Basically, is it ‘legit’ to edit pictures after one shoots a picture, or is it ‘cheating’ to do that stuff: bump up contrast, push the saturation a bit, cross process ( add yellows to hilights, and blues and purples to shadows).  What is the line between a computer generated piece, and a pure photograph?  I think it’s a tough question to ask, and it’s one of the most important questions to ask as photography ( for the most part ) has gone ( very ) digital.

In my opinion, there is no such thing as legitimate or pure way to photograph something.  From the moment one pushes the button to freeze a moment in time, there are 10 different ways to make the picture into what one wants.  Aperture adjustments, shutter speed adjustments, focusing, framing, film-speed, and white balance are all different ways to adjust a picture, even before it is taken.  There is no pure photograph.  Every moment is calculated, adjusted, and configured.  I think the realm of a digital darkroom ( where the processing goes on in the computer as opposed to a darkroom ) pushes the envelope, but it’s really all the same thing.  Instead of dodging and burning prints in the dark, we push exposure and contrast filters in Lightroom and Photoshop.  

I still respect folks that do little or no adjustments to their digital pictures.  I think it is a real art form to be able to capture an image, to it’s maximum potential through the adjustments in a camera.  I however, am not that skilled, and I often find that my skills lies in other areas.  I work really hard to push and pull my pictures to a point where they look beautiful, but not contrived and overworked.  Sometimes, I feel like photos begin to become overworked, and I try to pull back some of the contrast or color.  Sometimes it goes the other way too.  I feel like I am always pushing and pulling at this line of photography vs. digital image.

I’ve noticed that some of my best pictures of the wedding are moments that I have not planned for, or worked to hard to capture.  I cringe at the fact that the ‘money shots’ ( the kiss, the ring, the portraits together) or so-so, and I laugh that I’ve caught the bride with a beautiful expression with her father on the way into the ceremony, or I’ve caught the niece ( flower girl ) looking straight through me, into the lens.  It’s funny how it’s important to work hard to put oneself into a good position to shoot a good picture, but it’s equally important to be aware and to wait for a moment that might never be captured, without the right attention.

And yes, this post is a total tease because I’m not showing anything that I’m writing about.  This because I’m not done ( about 400 photos in ), and the bride and groom get to see them first before anyone else.  So, back to the sliders.