Work One

This is sparse, but I want to get it down quickly, as there are many other big things happening right now.

People were kind today. I know they’ll really miss me, and they showed that well to me. Endings are powerful because they reveal who we really are. Our reserved kindness comes out. We hug even if we never have before. We realize that it isn’t the same and there was something good in the day to day drudgery of repetitive tasks that had weight. We realize that we aren’t just doing boring things, but that we spent time together. We realize our humanness.

I’ll miss my work and the people there more after being away. It seems obvious, but the good-bye begins when you give back your key and you step out the door, not able to come in anymore. At that point, when you can’t enter back, is the point where you say bye. And then, going down the elevator with one close friend, the comfort of what was, hurts. It hurts because my body craves the comfort of consistency.

When we talk about work as Diablo, we just talk about everything that we can’t have, don’t have and don’t want. The work itself, the pressure, the appreciation we don’t get, the worth we want to be granted. It is all unmet longing and we hate it, together. Together we talk and it isn’t the nice talk about yesterday or today. It is the talk that turns blood from red to back, that turns lunch into work again (what are we thinking to dare talk about work and work!?). It borns the response: “Don’t talk about work please.” Cursed is the grown we stand upon that needs us to dig deep and break for things to grow. There is something sad about all of this.

I realize that part of what isn’t good at work, what hurts us, is important. But just as important, is the collection of people that you get to be with. It is probably the one place, outside of religious and athletic groups, where people will consistently choose for, not knowing who they will be with. So in the case of millionaire basketball players who want to play with their friends and people who they trust, I believe that is a good thing. I will edit this later.

I shook his hand, and it was clear, at that point, that the relationship would change. Something changed when he was granted the shackles of responsibility and the ability to command a whip. I resented the prodding and I forgot about the pressure to succeed. He answered to a new boss, and thus, in becoming mine, demanded excellence everyday. I had so much to learn from this position in our group. I learned that I was here to produce.

I feel relieved to be done. Some of my friends were happier than me. “take me with you”. “can i go too?” oh man. good night.